Jesus Did Not Expect us to Suffer This Much!

Once! One solitary time Jesus said, "Suffer the little children," and now every Sunday on earth I am forced to endure a children's sermon. I hate them I absolutely loathe, despise and abhor them.


They aren't sermons! Lately they're more like science experiments. I hate science experiments too!


The sole purpose of a children's sermon is to indulge the parents and grandparents (I readily admit as soon as I become a grandparent I will change my attitude towards this) by giving them the opportunity to show the entire congregation how cute their children and grandchildren are and to see what witty little tidbit little John or Jane can come up with this week.


The children never get the point of the children's sermon. They are always preoccupied by whatever object is being shown or demonstrated that day. And they talk back! It's not called the children's discussion. It's supposed to be a sermon.


All this has led some adults to feel like they should tbe able to talk back during the regular sermon. We aren't at a seminar people. It's church! Behave the way you've been taught. If the sermon goes past fifteen minutes (no sermon EVER should....after all we are no longer living in the Massachusetts Bay Colony) take a nap!

I realize that we live in age where we all feel that everything should all be about us, myself included but lately that mindset has even pervaded the sanctuary. Church is not ABOUT US it is FOR US. We go to church because there is something bigger than we are (except in the case of Gov. Chris Christie) and by recognizing that and worshipping that we are called out of ourselves into service. If we spend the entire time indulging ourselves or expecting to be entertained we might as well just install a television in the bathroom, draw a warm bath and soak in it while we watch the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. (now THAT is inspiration!)


Let's face it. The pastor that invented that modern day children's sermon just knew that his congregation was too stupid to understand his adult sermon so he had to find a way to dumb it down.

I went to a pretty basic church growing up. We had no children's sermon or children's church. Our only diversion during the service was being  allowed to make a paper boat out of the bulletin or tying up pennies in the corner of our mother's handkerchiefs. We didn't have an IPhone to play with. When I look back on my childhood and realize how unfair it was it puts me right up there with the martyrs. Why my childhood has never been immortalized as a scene in a stained glass window I will never know.

Why I am Cheating on Matt Lauer with Charlie Rose

At sometimes in our lives we all find ourselves doing things we thought we would never do. For instance I never thought I would be growing tomatoes this summer. I don't even eat the silly  things. They are a vegetable after all. Or are they a fruit? I seem to remember a trick question in 8th grade science about this one. So I never thought that I would find a time when I wanted to stop watching  Matt Lauer in the morning. Some people need caffeine to get going, I need a mini Hershey bar and Matt.

It had nothing to do with that unfortunate Ann Curry fiasco. The fiasco was giving the inappropriately attired Ann the job in the first place. Still I was sorry to see the way they let her go. But the trouble with Today was not just Ann. The content of the show was so predictable. I grew to loathe Fridays when they spent so much time with pop stars on the plaza. (unless it was Adam Levine)

I got to the point that I didn't want NBC deciding what stories I started my day with. Anytime they ran a story on education I started seething at their incompetence. I started to wonder if they knew anything about politics, hurricanes or missing children either. I finally stopped watching morning television altogether. After a few weeks I decided to try CBS This Morning. This took a lot of soul searching knowing Gayle King was involved. I admit it. I was prejudiced against her. I found her guilty by her association with Oprah.

It didn't take me long to really enjoy this low key program. I actually feel smarter after I watch it. Their Eye Opener segment (your world in ninety seconds) is the best thing on morning television. I like the fact that there are two people at the table asking guests about the important issues of the day and the fact that some of the reporters they bring on to cover stories look like they spend more time doing research than applying hair product.

When Charlie Rose asks a question you get the sense he knows what he is talking about. He seems genuinely interested in learning more about the issue his guest is discussing. I wouldn't want to try to pull anything over on Charlie though. He seems to know a lot! Erica Hill is the perfect complement to Charlie during the hard news segments. She is equaly adept at the entertaining content of the second hour and the woman knows how to dress appropriately. I do miss her on Anderson Copper 360 however.

They don't have those irritating best bargains or  cooking segments. I cook just fine thank you thanks to Marie Callender and the Schwann's man.

Now CBS This Morning doesn't have the ratings to draw in the hottest actors and pop stars of the day hawking their latest summer blockbuster or newest album. Thank goodness! Instead they feature artists with real talent. people whose talent is proven by their longevity. When they do talk to artists they talk in depth about their creative process and their next question seems to be based on their guets previous answer. This morning they were talking to Alan Cumming about his One Man Macbeth at Lincoln Center.

Now I must admit there are times when Gayle and Charlie are interviewing someone together that Charlie seems to have to restrain himself from chastising Gayle for asking one of her questions that are embarassingly honest. But I grudgingly have to admit that this is why the woman is growing on me. I have finally figured out her appeal. She's unfiltered! If she wants to ask an insipid question she asks it. I can relate. I realize that this is probably Oprah's appeal as well but I will give the state of IL back my pension before I admit that!

The Magic is Gone

I admit it. I'm shallow. Just look how long it has taken me to post anything on this blog. I'm not even going to promise to do better. I'm way too self indulgent. Which is probably why I was so bitterly disappointed in the last film Larry and I went to see, Magic Mike.

I can't say I wasn't prepared to be disappointed. I was. First, the movie got very good reviews, 79% favorable on Rotten Tomatoes. Good reviews are almost always a bad sign. Secondly the previews looked really good and featured the dancing and few one liners. I know better. Never never trust a movie with a good preview.

I admit it. The only reason I wanted to see this movie was the strippers. This movie looks like it was directed by a straight man. What kind of self respecting stripper keeps his pants on for 90% of his act? The ones in Magic Mike do. Honestly, even a stripper who doesn't want to take his clothes off has to know that he isn't going to get tipped until he goes down to his thong. There was nothing sexy or sensual about any of the dance routines either.

All the strippers in the film's troupe were straight. I do not buy that at all. There were five guys in the act and even male stripper troupes that perform strictly for women have at least one (more like four)  gay guys in the group.

We saw this movie in a theatre full of women. That in itself is beyond irritating. I have been to male strip clubs that allow men and women inside. The women always, always act like they are still in junior high. It isn't like they didn't know where they were going. It is so annoying. There something embedded deep in our culture that still says women aren't supposed to like sex (yeah like I'm an expert) so even  when they do get away to a strip club they feel like they have to act embarrassed. It's okay, girls. Your mother isn't watching. (She's in the back oiling down the men)

Then there was the fact that this movie had a plot. Why? It didn't get in the way too much. In fact I actually liked Channing Tatum's character and his love interest BUT for some god forsaken reason all the scenes outside the strip club were filmed in some hideous sepia tone that I haven't seen since the original movie version of South Pacific, a movie I have never watched in its entirety simply because I spend the entire movie wondering why Mitzy Gaynor looks so jaundiced.

When will I learn? There are some movies I will go  despite how bad they are. If a movie has Barbra Streisand, Dolly Parton or male strippers I'm going to be there! But no more Madea films! That feisty gal is always the only one on the poster and then you end up having to wait till the last ten minutes of the film for her to arrive and deliver her three zingers. Done with you, Medea. I know your scam!

Oscars 2012

I am so tired of people loving everything this woman wears. I had no interest in watching this "skinny b**ch" attempting to play Marilyn. Marilyn was full figured. She was too thin (in the previews I saw). And for heaven's sake grow out your damn hair. I didn't even like it on Tinkerbell in 1957.

I loved her in The Help but didn't recognize her on the red carpet tonight. Not a fan of the hair. Perhaps it will grow on me....but more importantly hoping it will grow ON HER!

Tina! Tina! Tina! Finally you wear a flattering dress and then you FORGET the jewelry. You need a necklace. A big dramatic necklace. (I realize of course that means you will have to lose the earrings. They would compete but the earrings aren't enough to compensate for all that bare skin above your dress) Keep trying, honey. Some year soon you will get EVERYTHING right.

Giuliana Rancic looked stunning and I was happy for her. Love her on Fashion Police!

This girl, Jessica Chastain was winning the ABC online poll for best dressed but and I love the dress from the waist up. I didn't like the gold at the bottom. There was too much of it down there. Looked cliche to me.

And she wonders why Jesse James ran off with that tattooed lady?????

No wonder she's a star. She is flawless.

Somewhere in L. A. while watching the Oscar red carpet coverage Jennifer Aniston just kicked her foot through every big screen TV in the house. But hey what's bad news for Jennifer is good news for Best Buy.









And a couple of Guys.......

Who is this person and why is he in the movies (I know his name. He's Jonah HIll but I don't understand why he is in the movies. I do not go to the movies to see average guys. This guy isn't even average. He's below average.....right down there with Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

And finally why why why does Oscar insist on a dress code? It's California. It's warm. Take off your shirt, Mario!

And all is right with the world!

My Hard Drive is Full

It is Wednesday morning and I don't have anything to do today until it is time to go to choir rehearsal. The weather is lovely and the view outside my living room window is bright and beautiful so there is absolutely no reason I shouldn't sink down into my very comfortable leather sofa with my script in hand and a 4 x6 index card and memorize my lines for The Sparta Community Chorus production of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. There is just one problem. at 57 years of age (I know. you thought I was older) the hard drive installed in my brain at birth is full. Memorizing new lines has become physically painful.

Maybe my brain needs an update. It has never been defragged or had the old files removed. I can still remember every insult, every put down, every snicker made behind my back. I would remove them if I could but I am afraid that I might forget all the family dinners, vacations and holidays that are imbedded there as well. Thankfully in my case the put downs and the family memories are not in the same folder. In that regard I am truly blessed am I not?

I stopped keeping track of how many shows I have done a long time ago but after memorizing lines and lyrics for over forty years I have a lot of scripts and songs in my "theatre file." Of course the lyric or line I need at any particular moment may not "load" properly at the time it is needed. Maybe I need a USB port so new files of scripts could be downloaded more easily. In the meantime I will spend this beautiful afternoon on my sofa with my notecard covering up line after line until I finally give up and nudge it downward to refresh my memory.

At least this is a musical comedy. I have always found comedies easier to memorize than dramas. I do not subscribe to the theory that dramatic acting is more difficult than comedic acting. It just isn't as much fun. Comedies are always easier for me to memorize because jokes interest me. It's always a privilege to be able to deliver a joke on stage. And a challenge to see if I can land it correctly and get the laugh.

I am a character actor so lead roles have been rare for me. That's great. I enjoy being the guy that has forty lines and one song. It's fun to go in, get the laugh and go hang out backstage with the rest of the cast.

Lawrence is never really a role that I thought much about. When I saw this show I was really drawn to Andre, the French assistant with attitude and a comic love interest.

Lawrence is an arrogant, snide and self-centered con man. How I didn't see what a great fit he was for me I will never know.

Hopefully audiences will also see behind the front he puts up and into his heart. The guy that secretly admires the upstart (and hilarious) Freddy as the free wheeling guy Lawrence used to be and roots for him when he develops a crush on Christine after womanizing every female on the French coast.

Now I know how Madonna feels, having a love interest half my character's age. The only difference is I know it's a JOKE!

Emmys Fashion

Damn you, Joan Rivers because of your endless badgering on Fashion Police celebrities are now playing it safe on the red carpet. Most people showed up on the Emmy red carpet that were quickly forgotten. But here goes.

The only way a man can mess it up on the red carpet is to forget to put on a suit or a tux. Great job, Chris you are still the only reason I watch Glee.

Christina Hendricks didn't look as ridiculous as usual. What a burden she must bear with those bazookas.....at least this year she chose a color that blended right in with them so you had to look hard to see where the dress left off and the bosoms began....

I liked this dress. Without the pattern it would have been boring. But Claire Danes is beautiful in anything.

A lot of people had red on this year. I thought Giuliana Rancic knocked it out of the park in this one.

Gwyneth, Gwyneth, Gwyneth. You definitely fall into the weird actress category and you seem determined to prove it. But that doesn't mean you have to prove you are tasteless too. It's the Emmys not the Hot Box. Hate the bare midriff on a gown.

Oh Juliana.....I hope they gave this to you free. The top looks like an upside down lampshade. You are too pretty for this.....well you WERE too pretty for this before they did this to your hair. The sign on the salon that said "In business since 1941" should have been a hint. That hair belongs on a recruitment poster for WWII.

Is everything about Modern Family obnoxious? I hate dresses that divide women's breasts. If you are going to show your boobs push them UP not OVER! It was even worse from a side view.

Kaley Cuoco...cute....cute...cute.....and very similar to the winning design on Project Runway this week....now someone tell me who she is. I'm getting old. I can't keep up.

Padma looked delicious. Unfortunately the photographer caught her a bit unaware here. Love her.

Kelly Osbourne looked great....she even had sense to turn her tattoos from the camera for this shot.

Lea Michelle.....in a very subdued Marchesa design....and look she is just standing normally.....

Mario Lopez......just because.....

The reason.....ONE of the reasons I don't watch Modern Family.....I hate preocious.......

I thought Amy Winehouse died......(It's really Pax De La Huerta....whoever that is...) I should have known it wasn't Amy....this girl obviously bathed before the awards show.....

Go Away Part 2

I admit it. I watch the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. In my defense I do not watch the New York, New Jersey, OC, Miami or Washington D.C. versions (often).

I did watch one complete season of The Atlanta version but that was during a marathon. It is impossible not to watch any marathon of any television show once you start. If a marathon is airing and you can't find your remote within ten minutes you are stuck or at least I am. That's how I ended up watching only one full season of House and Jersey Shore. If Hallmark runs an I Love Lucy marathon you may not see me for days.

All the other Housewive are cheap imitations of the Beverly Hills gang like those Gucci purses or Chanel sunglasses you can buy off a folding table in Times Square.

But there is one Beverly Hills housewife that is so out of her league on this show that it isn't even funny; Taylor. Whoever said you can never be too rich or two thin never saw this poor girl. If Ghandi were still alive and in the middle of one of his hunger strikes even he would tell her "Eat something for heaven's sake!" 

After watching the Real Housewives of Bevery Hills I no longer want to be rich. I'd probably just spend it on useless crap like they do; you know like pools and jacuzzis set into the Hollywood Hills.

But mostly it just affirms for me one of nature's great truths: You can't buy pretty. Look at this woman. She is nipped, tucked and botoxed beyond recognition. Then since she had been such a good customer her plastic surgeon offered to blow up her lips for free.....and she took him up on it!

Taylor spent the first season wondering around looking miserable. Poor Bravo had to edit her husband out of this season since his suicide. I don't blame Bravo for this guy's suicide. And I certainly don't agree with the people who said they should have postponed the new season because of it. But I am hoping the public outcry will force Taylor off the third season. Go Away!

They can fill her slot with Cedric, Lisa's houseguest from hell from season 1 or just put Andy Cohen in a speedo and let him visit each of them for a week or so.

Go Away!

Dr. Phil interviewed Casey Anthony's parents this week. I was pretty successful at avoiding that trial last summer despite promos and news stories. When the verdict came in not guilty I knew we were in for even more complaining from Nancy Grace (if that is possible). And just when the controversy seemed to die down there is Dr. Phil with a desperate need to promote his new season. So who does he get to kick it off? These two. Go away!

Why anyone would go on Dr. Phil to get help I will never know. It's therapy! It's supposed to be private! Jeez Louise.

At least the people who go on Maury know the show is tacky. I mean what were Maury's credentials before he got his own show? Hosting A Current Affair and marrying Connie Chung. The endless stream of DNA results is actually a step up for him. How the DNA testing center keeps all those results straight is beyond me. How many files marked "Tyrone" can they process in one televison season anyway? I wouldn't be flailing myself on the floor just because those test results came back wrong Shaniqua, Sholanda or Shania....whatever your name is.

With over 500 channels now available on my Direct TV I understand that all these talk show hosts need to do something spectacular to get some attention but why can't they just do what Anderson Cooper did on the second day of his new talk show, Anderson and just take off their shirt for every segment? Still I hadn't seen anything whiter than Anderson's body since the 2008 Republican National Convention.

The Cutest Man on Television

If you are not watching Fashion Police on E! every Friday night you are missing the most important information program on television. Forget Meet the Press, 60 Minutes and World News Tonight. Not one of those esteemed broadcast answers the most important question of our time; Who are you wearing?

Joan Rivers hosts this meeting of minds and she would reduce her young costars to stunned silence if they could only stop laughing at her crass, crude and hilarious observations.

At least three times an episode Joan delivers a raunchy criticque of a celebrity that stuns Guiliana Rancic to silence. At times you can tell Guiliana isnt sure that being privy  to the hilarious truths that only someone who has survived as much as Joan can dare utter is in the best interest of her career.

Kelly Osbourne offers as much fashion advice advice as any tattooed offspring of a zoned out rock star can be expected to provide. But the only person on the panel that can truly appreciate Joan is the beloved and adorable George Kotsiopoulis. Joan is holding court and George is the only true lady in waiting on the panel. Giuliana and Kelly are merely usurpers to the throne who have to be kept close at hand to insure that they won't launch a rebellion.

George doesn't attempt to offer as many blithering attacks on celebrities as Kelly and Giuliana. He has the good sense to realize that no one is going to outshine Joan here. He just sits and fawns over Joan adoringly the way only another queen can and in doing so endears us to him. He does this all of course by looking absolutely adorable in his jeans and argyle sweater vests  sporting a couple days worth of stubble.

He is the cutest damn thing on television unless you count Andy Cohen over in the Bravo Clubhouse. Let's hope that gay marriage never becomes legal in this country because if those two were alowed to raise a family they would deliver a litter that hasn't been topped (you will excuse the expression) since 101 Dalmations.

It's been years since I even remotely thought that I might become a star one day. But every time I watch Fashion Police a tiny, tiny hope wells up in my little breast that one day I will be invited to walk a red carpet just so I can have George advise me.

Why is CNN hosting a tea party debate?

I have to admit that part of the  reason I stopped blogging this summer was because the news was so depressing that I couldn't bear to watch. I am really tired of the dummies in this country having the loudest voice.

It depresses me that liberals, unions, teachers, public employee pensions and social security have somehow become the newest dirty words in this country.


Just when I finally started watching a little news again lately (after all I couldn't let the Kardashian wedding go totally unnoticed could I?) I hear on CNN that they are hosting a Tea Party debate.


When are these people going to go away? They have pretty much been called out for their racism, sexism and homophobia haven't they? The entire group appears to share only one brain cell so it is no wonder that its neurons are beginning to fray.

I don't trust any group ever that calls for a reduction in government spending. (Unless you can raise Harry Truman from the dead no one in government is ever going to cut government waste.) So get over it. Just lay low and maybe they won't accelerate the debt too much. The only time government ever cuts spending they end up only cutting essential programs. The pork always, always remains.

Fox News has repeated their false allegations about a liberal media bias for so long that the legitimate media outlets are so afraid of appearing left leaning that they bend over backward to avoid it. The result is that the only two viewpoints we hear now are from the right and the far right.

So it is no surprise that CNN has decided to cover this tea party fiasco. This is just another of their attempts to apease all those people that turn to Fox for news. Absurd. You cannot apease anyone who believes that Fox broadcasts anything that even closely resembles news. Those people are gone, CNN. They abandoned reality long ago. You can't get them back and why on earth would you want them?

So I won't be watching the tea party debate tonight, CNN. I am going to watch someting edifying.....just as soon as I decide which set of Real Housewives episodes I have recorded on my DVR I want to watch.

Seriously....How Hard is it to Count to Twenty?

I just returned from Hell on Earth....otherwise known as Walmart and made the unfortunate mistake of getting in the express checkout lane.  I know. I know I should know better but it was a slow day and I decided to live dangerously.

With fear and trepidation I approached the express checkout lane. There was only one man in front of me. I am old enough and wise enough to realize that the fact that there is only one person in front of you at the express does not guarantee a speedy exit from America's retail champion.

I was right of course. He had more than twenty items. That wouldn't have been so bad but of course he and the checkout lady were discussing each one of them. Then he had to buy tobacco, chewing tobacco of course which probably explains the fact he didn't have enough intelligence to read the sign that says 20 items or less or to count that high since he wasn't barefoot. I just assume anyone that is still buying chewing tobacco is someone that has family back home in Appalachia they are trying to support.

Why do they have those signs up if they aren't going to enforce them?

And why do they always seem to assign check out ladies to the express lane that have no sense of urgency? Unfriendliness  and efficiency should be job qualifications for running the express checkout lane. Most of the time when I want to use the express lane I don't have time for friendly checkout people. I do think this woman was working as fast as she could. She seemed incapable of processing anything quickly.

Thank goodness I now have this blog because I did not have to resort to surliness in line to vent my frustration. In fact in a sick sort of way I actually welcomed the experience today because it gave me something to write about. Aren't you glad?